


Breathe

by stilesderek



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author finds it impossible to write fluff, Don't read if you're easily triggered, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 18:26:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilesderek/pseuds/stilesderek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He let the blood flow longer than he should have, but his head felt clearer than it had in a long while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't want to trigger anyone, so if you feel as though this could trigger you, please click away. Your safety is more important to me than a read count.

The blade slid across his wrist easily, and he watched the blood trickle down his arm and drop to the floor. It was rhythmic, almost artistic, and it steadied him. He put the blade to his arm again, dragging it across deeper. The blood came out faster, and Stiles suddenly felt lightheaded.

He let the blood flow longer than he should have, but his head felt clearer than it had in a long while. It was as if he had not only let blood out of his body, but he had also let out some of his worries. Stiles ignored his shaking hands as he bandaged himself up. He wouldn't heal nearly as fast as his friends could.

Stiles knew it wasn't healthy. He knew he wasn't going about things like he should, but what was he supposed to do when he felt like he was drowning? He just wanted to catch a breath.

Stiles fell asleep soon after he cleaned up, and his breathing was steady.  
-  
Soon there were cuts scattered all over Stiles' body, and he began to feel like he'd forgotten how to swim right before he reached the shore.

He cut for every time Scott mentioned that he smelled like blood. He cut for every time Jackson smirked at him before shoving him into a locker. He cut for every time he looked at Derek and felt his stomach swoop. He cut for every time he lied to his dad. He cut for every time he felt weak.

He cut until he was swaying on his feet, and then he slept for as long as his weak human body would allow.

Sometimes, Stiles wished someone would take care of him for once.

That didn't mean he was a freaking damsel in distress. It just meant.. it just meant that he had taken on a lot of responsibility, and he didn't have much to show for it aside from some battle scars. He'd actually lost more than he'd gained because of this whole werewolf business, but he couldn't back out now. Stiles was in too deep.

He just thought it would be nice to have someone to go home to at the end of the day. It was wishful thinking, because who would want to be with the weird kid who talked too much and couldn't sit still for more than a few seconds at a time?

Stiles reached for his blade.  
-  
Derek started touching Stiles more than usual.

And not the I'm-going-to-rip-your-throat-out-if-you-don't-help-me kind of touch, either. Derek's touches were soft, almost as if he was afraid he was going to break Stiles if he pushed too hard. Stiles took comfort in the feel of Derek's hand resting on his lower back, in the warmth of Derek's thigh when they were squished together on the couch during a pack meeting. His breath caught when Derek deliberately brushed shoulders with him when Stiles figured out something important in his research. His heart skipped a beat when Derek smiled, actually smiled, at him when Stiles made a joke about Scott's love life.

So, yeah, Stiles was falling for an adult alpha who would never feel the same way about him. Stiles was familiar with unrequited love, and he thinks that maybe he could deal with it as long as Derek kept touching him.

Maybe.  
-

Stiles stops going out unless the pack is in trouble. That's the only time he's ever wanted, anyway.

-

Stiles saves Derek's life, and Derek hugs him, if a little awkwardly. Stiles' chest feels too tight.

-

Stiles cuts, but he doesn't feel the same relief as before. Instead he just feels the pain, the sting of air on a fresh wound, and Stiles can't help but feel betrayed. This was supposed to be the one thing that actually helped him.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, and Stiles jumped, slicing his palm with the blade as he did so. He winced, and tried to sound casual as he said, "One minute, dad!"

"Stiles. It's me."

Stiles froze, staring wide eyed at the door. Either he was dreaming or Derek was just outside the room, and shit, he could probably smell the blood, couldn't he? Fuck, Stiles could smell the blood, so of course Derek could. "Derek?" he muttered. He licked his suddenly dry lips. 

"Open the door," Derek demanded, and Stiles suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Go away," Stiles choked out, wrapping his arms around himself. His fresh cuts pulled and burned, and Stiles couldn't help the whimper that escaped him. Derek growled, low and predatorial, and then Stiles' bathroom door was broken off its hinges. "You're paying for that," Stiles tried to joke, but there was blood on the floor and on his shirt, and really, there was nothing funny about this at all.

Derek's eyes sweeped the scene before him, but he didn't look surprised. Defeated, maybe, but not surprised. "Deep breaths," Derek said, crouching down next to Stiles. He placed his hand directly between Stiles' shoulderblades, and Stiles felt the tension seep out of him. "You're okay, Stiles," Derek whispered. Stiles could hardly hold himself up any longer, and so he slumped against Derek. "You're a moron." But Derek said it softly, and Stiles smiled before drifting off to sleep.  
-  
Stiles wakes up in his bed the next morning.

Derek is right beside him, arms wrapped tightly around Stiles' waist.

Stiles breathes.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction I've ever written for the Teen Wolf fandom, so I'm pretty nervous. Go easy on me, guys!  
> You can send me prompts on tumblr if you'd like! My url is kurtsbutt.tumblr.com


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